A book was once released with the title: “HOW TO CHANGE YOUR WIFE IN 30 DAYS.” It sold 2 million copies in one week. Later, they discovered a spelling mistake. The real title was supposed to be: “HOW TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN 30 DAYS.” After the correction, only 3 copies sold the entire next month. People wanted to change others, not themselves.
Friend, stop trying to change your spouse. Channel that same energy into changing yourself (1 Timothy 4:15-16). Many enter marriage expecting to fix their partner and end up in frustration. God has not assigned you to change your spouse. Your job is to commit them to God while creating an atmosphere of love, patience, and support in the home (Genesis 21:12).
Often, what we call “their problem” is really our inability to relate well (Proverbs 18:24). The very trait you want to change in your spouse may be mirroring an area you need to grow in. If you think your wife is difficult, maybe you need to be more understanding (1 Peter 3:7). If you think your husband is distant, maybe you need to be more welcoming. Growth starts with us.
Instead of complaining about your spouse’s attitude, use it as training ground for Christlike character (Ephesians 5:21-33). Marriage is God’s classroom for the fruit of the Spirit. The very issues that irritate you may be God’s setup for your maturity. Don’t run from them. Face them, and let God shape you through them (Psalm 18:25-30). Pressure produces growth.
Prayer is the most underused tool in marriage today (Philippians 4:6-7). Many prayers are just lists of complaints about our spouse. Rather than asking God to change them, ask Him to show you where you need to grow and to give you wisdom to love better. Pray for your marriage. Pray for your spouse. But pray the right prayer (Genesis 25:21). Heaven responds to surrendered hearts.
God did not tell us to change our spouse. He told us to adapt and submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21). Couples who enjoy peace are not perfect. They have simply learned to adapt, pray, and encourage each other toward growth. Stop trying to change your spouse. Change your life, and let God handle the rest (2 Corinthians 3:18).
‘Demola Awoyele,
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria