A young man sat in my office and said, “We never argued during courtship. Why are we fighting so much now?” His marriage was in crisis. I told him the truth: “Maybe you’re having this crisis now because you never allowed disagreements during courtship.” We often think peace means pretending. Real peace comes from resolving, not avoiding.
Friend, silence is not submission. Marriage is a lifelong journey with someone totally different from you, and you may have only known for a few years. Many marriages today are breaking because of what people call “irreconcilable differences.” But the problem isn’t the difference. It’s how we manage it (Ecclesiastes 10:15).
God’s idea of marriage was never to bring you someone exactly like you (Genesis 2:18). He brings you someone who complements you and completes you. Compatibility isn’t about similarities. It’s about differences that fit together. When we understand and manage those differences well, they don’t pull us apart. They bind us stronger.
Difference is not the enemy in marriage. It’s a blessing. God designed it that way. Problems only start when we fail to manage our differences but allow them to become conflicts and crises. Most marital crises start small. They start with a difference we refused to handle (Genesis 21:9-14).
When a couple says, “We never disagree,” I get concerned. The healthiest marriages have disagreements. The difference is that they work through them (Amos 3:3). That process actually strengthens the bond. A marriage with zero disagreement is either extremely mature, or one person is just enduring in silence. But silence is not submission.
Submission in marriage isn’t keeping quiet to avoid trouble. It’s the freedom to speak your mind with honour and respect (Ephesians 5:21). Sweeping issues under the carpet only delays an explosion. True peace is built on fairness and justice, not avoidance (1 Timothy 2:2). Handle your differences well, and your marriage will stand.
‘Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria
