My wife came to me in our year two on campus that God had her that I should be her spiritual father. I was the pastor of our campus fellowship at the time. Unknown to her, God had earlier spoken to me that she’s going to be my wife. When I later proposed marriage to her in our part four, I had to switch from relating with her as my (spiritual) daughter to relating with her as my spouse. I knew I cannot marry my daughter.

Friend, you cannot marry your daughter. No matter how young someone is to you, marriage has elevated her to your level (Matthew 19:6). Seeing your wife as lesser, younger, or inferior to you will be the bane of your progress in marriage. Marriage brings equality. Marriage is a leveller. If you are not ready to relate with your spouse as a co-heir of the grace of life, your marriage will suffer (Malachi 2:13-15, 1 Peter 3:7).

Women are supposed to honour and respect their husbands, but this does not mean that men should treat their wives like trash (1 Peter 3:5-7). There are men who cannot sustain a healthy conversation with their wives because they think less of that woman. To them, what does she know? She is a small girl. She is not exposed, etc. Some even say that their wife as a fish brain. If your wife has a fish brain, guess who you are; a fish! If you call your wife a fool, then you are a bigger fool.

Your wisdom would be seen in your choice of a life partner (Proverbs 4:7). It takes a fool to marry a fool. I personally believe that women are one of the wisest creatures that God ever made. I normally say that wisdom is a woman (Proverbs 9:1). Especially if you marry right, God has packaged a dimension of wisdom necessary for your success and progress in your wife (Proverbs 31:10-12). You ignore her at your own peril. You disdain her to your disadvantage.

Don’t marry someone you cannot be proud of. Don’t marry someone you cannot publicly and unashamedly call your wife or husband (Proverbs 31:23). Marriage is an equaliser. Marriage is a leveller. Even if the G.O. of a church marries one of the choristers; that lady has automatically moved from being a daughter to a partner. Husbands, don’t confuse your wife calling you Daddy with your biological daughter calling you the same. To your daughter, Daddy is a responsibility and position. To your wife, it is just honour (1 Peter 3:6).

Dear husband, you must understand that God has given you the responsibility to raise your wife to your level (Ephesians 5:25-28). We cannot judge you successful as a man until we see what you have made of your wife. If you cannot train her, don’t marry her. If you cannot build her, don’t marry her. Most of the stuff that some husbands complain about their wives are a reflection of their failure as a husband. Husbands get to work! Wives level up! Amen.

‘Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria