Two groups of travellers, each with different mindsets, approached a city during the gold rush. The first group, who described their hometown as having “terrible, unloving, and stingy” people, were told by an old man that the city is the same.

The second group, who described their hometown as having “kind, loving, and generous” people, were told that the city is also the same. The moral is that your inner self and attitudes shape your experiences and interactions, and this applies to all aspects of life, including marriage.

Friend, life is like a mirror, reflecting what you project into it. You cannot consistently attract what you are not (Proverbs 27:19). This is very true of marriage. A lot of people are trying to find the perfect person while doing little or nothing to change their attitudes, perspectives, mentality, etc. The biggest investment you can ever make into your marital life is to be a better person (Romans 12:1-2).

You either enter marriage as an asset or as a liability. You are either a problem to be solved or a gift to be unravelled. Make up your mind to be the latter and not the former (Proverbs 31:10-12). Listen, marital success is not a mystery. Wedding day is not magic day. You will eventually have the kind of marriage you deserve, not the one you desire.

With the right knowledge, you can bridge the gap between what you desire and what you experience (Matthew 19:3-6, 1 Peter 3:7). What kind of marriage do you desire? What kind of spouse do you desire? Stop looking for it and start becoming it (Proverbs 23:7). Do you desire a rich spouse? Start working on your financial life as a single guy or lady. Do you desire a loving, caring, and patient spouse? Work those virtues into your life.

You cannot attract who you are not on the inside. Do you want a firebrand brother? Stay on fire as a lady. If singles spend the same amount of time they spend praying and looking for the right spouse on working on themselves, they would marry faster and better (Ecclesiastes 10:10, 15). Like the lesson from our opening story, don’t approach marriage with the wrong mindset. If you marry thinking that men are deceivers, you would end up with a deceiver. If you have imbibed the myth that women are necessary evils, don’t be surprised if your wife turns out as one.

You need to purge yourself of preconceived notions about marriage that are not in line with scriptures (Philippians 4:8). Some of these notions are from our family, background, society, as well as our denominational dogmas. You need to define what you want and work those virtues into your life. This is how to enjoy marriage. You cannot attract what you are not. Did you get this?

‘Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria