I was counselling a young man years ago on matters of relationship and marriage. He was bothered about the fact that sisters were not agreeing to his proposals, possibly due to his low economic status. To vent out his frustration, he said; “Pastor, I’ve heard stories of men who said that when they asked their wives out, they had nothing. Yet the woman agreed. How do you explain that, sir?” My response to him is the basis of today’s sharing.

Friend, women want money. But real women want more than money (Proverbs 31:10-12). There is no disputing the fact that money is important in relationship and marriage. But money is not the most important. Any woman who marries you because of your money will not make a good wife (Proverbs 19:14). What then do real women want in relationship and marriage?

Real women want a man with purpose and direction (Habakkuk 2:1-3). To a real woman, it is not what you are or have that interests her. It is what you are becoming. It is the vision that drives your life. It is the direction you are following. It is the purpose she sees you fulfilling that can accommodate her own greatness (1 Samuel 25:28-31).

Real women want strong men. To a real woman, strength is more important than brilliance or wealth (Daniel 11:32). To her, the ability to stay through to your vision and conviction is priceless. The ability to go through life’s pressures and demands without caving in turns a real woman on (Proverbs 24:10). Having the assurance that you are strong enough to be there for her makes her want to follow you.

Real women want leadership. I consider leadership the most important ingredient of a successful marriage (1 Corinthians 9:5, Ephesians 5:22-29). Most women want love, but real women want leadership. The right kind of leadership has love as one of its components. But you can have love but lack leadership. If a man loves you but cannot lead you, he would reduce you in life and destiny (Isaiah 51:1-2).

Real women want assurance. The truth is, if you don’t have money, you must have mouth. Good men and great husbands are good talkers. Have you wondered why serious Christian sisters sometimes fall for monsters of a husband? It is mouth. Women are naturally moved by words. Christian men must master the use of words (Job 6:25, Colossians 4:6). Learn to communicate your vision. Learn to paint the picture of your future. Give her assurance that she would be fine following you. But ensure you back up your sweet words with tireless actions (James 2:18). Does this make some sense?

‘Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria