I was speaking somewhere recently where I said something profound about marriage. I said; “Couples must learn to decipher strength from stubbornness when dealing with their spouses. Sometimes, what we call strength is stubbornness, and what we call stubbornness is strength.” This truth is worth looking at today.
Friend, marriage is about adaptation. Your greatest secret to a successful marriage is knowing how to adapt to your spouse (Genesis 2:18). No matter who you marry, if you don’t learn adaption, the marriage will not work. This is why we often wonder why some couples are enjoying their marriage even when one of the spouses seem cantankerous. They have learnt to adapt to each other (Amos 3:3).
I think more important than praying for a perfect spouse is praying for wisdom to adapt to whoever God leads you to marry (Proverbs 24:3-6). If you marry an angel, and you don’t learn to adapt rightly, your marriage would look like hell on earth. If you marry who some people might call a cousin of the devil, and you learn to adapt well, you would still enjoy heaven on earth.
Therefore, heaven on earth in marriage is not only a prayer point. It is also a wisdom practice (Proverbs 8:22-36). I personally believe that you need more wisdom in marriage than prayer, and as you pray, don’t forget to pray for wisdom (Proverbs 4:7). Some people are destroying their marriages on their knees, praying, because they would not apply wisdom even in their prayer.
One wisdom you need, especially as a woman, is knowing how to manage your strength in marriage (Proverbs 31:25-26). A strong woman is an asset to her husband, but she can be a threat if she lacks wisdom. This is not just about the insecurity of the man but also about the insensitivity of the woman. Men are naturally egocentric, so it takes a wise woman to manage their ego properly (1 Samuel 25:23-35).
Dear wife, there are times that what you call strength is simply stubbornness. Learn to submit when the Holy Spirit nudges you (Romans 8:14). Dear husband, sometimes, what you call stubbornness in your wife is simply strength. Be humble enough to harness the strength rather than silencing it (Genesis 21:12). Marriage is more of adaptation than perfection. Let this wisdom guide you. Amen.
‘Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria