When the young man informed me about his marriage plans, I asked him a simple question; “What about your Dad? Is he aware of this wedding plan?” He responded in the negative. The Dad was in the same city, but the mum told him never to inform his Dad about his marriage. I gave him my pastoral counsel, and today, he’s enjoying his marriage to the glory of God.
Friend, you need to protect your children. Most disoriented adults are products of dysfunctional marriages and families (2 Samuel 4:4). There are exposures that leave negative memories that last forever, except for the intervention of God and godly leadership. Your children must not be at the receiving end of your marital struggles (Psalms 112:1-10).
Spouses must not posture before their children as though they are the saint while the other spouse is the devil (Proverbs 31:28). Any parenting style that makes your children feel that their dad or mum is an evil person is not godly and healthy. Even if you are the one bringing some of the money home as a wife, never paint your husband as a bad or irresponsible father before his children (Proverbs 31:14-23).
Don’t let your children inherit your fights. I have counselled countless people from dysfunctional homes who are still angry with their father because of what he did to their mother. Some are even because of what their mum told them, not what they witnessed first hand. Be careful of what you tell your children about their dad or mum. Protect their heart (Proverbs 4:23).
Never inherit the battles of your parents. Let them handle their fights alone. Don’t make your Dad your enemy because of your mum and vice versa (Proverbs 4:3). There would be times you would need that man or woman in your life. Don’t let the negative seeds sown poison your heart so much that you cannot freely approach your parent. Pray for your parents, but don’t fight any of them on behalf of the other. You need to live free (Galatians 5:1).
Parents, be aware of the consequences of your fights and struggles on your children (1 Chronicles 4:9-10). They are observing and receiving from you. Let them leave home with the assurance that marriages do work and theirs will work (2 Timothy 1:5, 3:15). Watch what you say, do, and how you go through your marital struggles. Don’t endanger their future. The Lord will help you. Amen.
Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria