“If you miss it maritally, about 80% of your usefulness in life is gone.” This is one of the statements that was infused in us as undergraduates on campus. It gave us the right perspective to marriage. Now, I understand, having been married and privileged to counsel people maritally.
Friend, marriage is a miracle. The truth is, no one can succeed maritally naturally. Since marriage began with God, there is something about divine help and involvement that is required to make it succeed (Genesis 2:18). Just as you cannot safely and successfully operate a product without referring to the manufacturer’s manual, marital success would require paying attention to what the author of marriage has to say (John 8:31-32).
Success in marriage is relative. We need to define what we call success. For some people, a quarrel-free or crisis-free marriage is a successful marriage. For others, a marriage where bills are paid with ease and the family has everything working well for them is successful. A lot of other people associate marital success to having peace and fulfilment in the marriage. But how does the Bible define a successful marriage (Proverbs 29:18)?
A successful marriage is one that fulfils its purpose. The question to ask then is, what is the purpose of your marriage? Why did God bring you and your spouse together (Amos 3:3)? For singles, why is God leading you to that guy or lady? Until you are able to accurately answer this question, you cannot scripturally define marital success.
Fulfilling God’s purpose for your marriage does not have to mean having a dull marriage. Neither does it mean barely having what to eat or wear. They are not mutually exclusive. You can have a purposeful marriage with the nicest of stuff in this world (Matthew 6:33). You can have a purposeful marriage with a handsome and upwardly mobile guy or a very beautiful and influential lady. It is about prioritising the why above the what.
Since miracles are a product of humanity and divinity, you cannot have a miracle or successful marriage by just putting all the responsibilities on God (John 2:1-10). God will not serve your husband food; neither will He take your wife out on a beautiful date. God won’t model integrity and character before your kids. You will have to do all of those. But He would surely supply the grace and wisdom if you connect and cooperate with Him. So, let me ask you; “What kind of marriage do you really want?” Can you pay the price for it?
‘Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria