A few years ago, I was counselling a couple. They were having serious issues in their marriage. Midway through the session, the wife said, “This issue started during our courtship. But I thought marriage would fix it. I see now that I was wrong.” That statement birthed today’s sharing: Marriage won’t fix you.
Friend, marriage won’t fix you. It will only magnify who you already are (1 Peter 3:1-7). Sadly, many people enter marriage, hoping it will fix them. Some even expect their spouse to fix them. There are spouses who have taken on the burden of “fixing” their partner. They ended up frustrated (1 Samuel 25:25).
The purpose of singlehood is to work on yourself before marriage (Proverbs 31:1-31). There’s no point rushing into marriage while ignoring obvious flaws in your life and character. Many people go into marriage with high expectations but low preparation. The result is premium frustration (2 Chronicles 27:6).
A great marriage will give you opportunities to grow and become better if you maximize it. (1 Timothy 4:7-8, 15). It will come at a cost. It will test your patience, humility, and selflessness. It will stretch you beyond your comfort (Isaiah 54:1-3). This is where many people react negatively instead of responding rightly.
Looking to your spouse to fix you, or trying to fix your spouse, is a subtle way of sidelining God’s lordship over both your lives. Let Him fix you both (2 Corinthians 3:18). That’s why it’s more productive to pray for your spouse than to nag them. It’s better to commit their heart to God than to engage in carnal manipulation (Proverbs 21:1).
Dear singles: If your life right now were multiplied in marriage, what kind of marriage would you have? If you don’t like the picture, change it now (James 1:22-25). Dear married folks: Maximize every opportunity for growth that marriage brings. Allow yourself to be tested, stretched, and refined. Stay under accountability (Isaiah 51:1-2). Don’t put your walk with God on hold while expecting marriage to work magic.
‘Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria