“I’m getting out of this marriage. She’s always getting on my nerves.” This was the complaint of a spouse in counselling. The man of God simply told him; “Getting out of the marriage is not the solution. Perhaps God puts you in that marriage to develop in you the fruits of patience and self-control.” He got the message.
Friend, you need to constantly remind yourself that you are not perfect. But you are on a journey of perfection (Matthew 5:48). You should be getting better and better every day and in every way until you see Jesus. However, nobody can grow alone. Perfection cannot be achieved in isolation. God will necessarily put you in relationships to grow and develop your character (Proverbs 27:17).
The closest relationship to you should be that of your spouse (Matthew 19:5-6). This is why God will always use the strategy of marriage and the instrumentality of your spouse to work growth and perfection in you. Marriage is designed by God to make you better and not bitter. God designed marriage to produce better Christians (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).
Your marriage should mirror the life of Christ and the beauty of the kingdom (Ephesians 5:31-33). This is why the Church (Christians) is called the bride of Christ. We are in a marriage union with Christ. Our relationship with Christ is supposed to rub off on our marriage and vice versa. If you marry right and do marriage right, your home and marriage should reflect the glory of heaven on earth (Revelation 19:6-10).
God will use relationships to reveal and correct lapses in your life. The very relationships that you want to run away from may be what God is using to help you become better (Isaiah 65:8). Sometimes, you complain that your spouse is getting on your nerves, not knowing that God is using him or her to teach you patience and tolerance. The fruits of the Spirit are developed via relationships, not just prayer (Galatians 5:22-23).
You have not seen the person who has the potential to really offend you until you marry (Amos 3:3). Marriage demands that you love unconditionally. It also demands that you submit unconditionally (Ephesians 5:21-28). In between love and submission, all other fruits of the Spirit have been taken care of. What growth has your relationship or marriage brought to your life? Has marriage made you better or bitter?
‘Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria