“I’ve never had any disagreement or conflict with my wife for these many years of our marriage.” This was the statement of a beloved man of God. While I appreciate such powerful marital testimony, I feel it does not reflect what most marriages experience. Marriage is between two real people with real issues.
Friend, marriage is between two real people with real issues. If you fail to realise this, you would enter marriage with the wrong mindset and expectations (Proverbs 23:7). It would also make you not to walk in patience and wisdom to make your marriage work. When you understand that marriage is between two human beings, not angels, it would help you to avoid pretence and pressure in your relationship and marriage.
Pretence has destroyed many marriages than the devil has. One of the proofs that you have truly found the bone of your bones and the flesh of your flesh is that you can be naked and not ashamed (Genesis 2:23-25). You can live without pretence. You no longer fake things. Rather, you can be as real as possible.
I often tell intending couples in counselling that, now that they have both chosen to marry each other, they should stop trying to impress the other person in a way that makes them not to be real with themselves (Psalms 51:6). The brother should not live as though he’s still trying to woo the sister. What you will not take in marriage, don’t accept in courtship.
If you can freely and safely fart before your spouse without feeling ashamed, then you have truly found your heartthrob. If your spouse makes you feel less because you farted around them, something is wrong somewhere (Hebrews 4:15-16). Marriage is for two real people, not angels. If your marriage lacks sincerity and realism, then one or both of you are faking it somewhere.
As couples grow together in marriage, certain conflicts should be eliminated or mininised, but spouses should not put themselves under any pressure (1 Peter 3:7-9). The pastor who told you that he has never had any issues with his wife may not be telling you the complete truth or may simply have forgotten. Give your marriage time to mature. Give your spouse time to grow. Wisdom, patience, and prayers are a powerful trio for a fulfilled marriage (Proverbs 4:7). Never forget this.
‘Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria