I overheard a conversation between two women sometime ago. As they interacted, one of them said something that got me thinking; “I cannot wait for my husband to travel and leave this house. His disturbance is too much. I want my free space.” That conversation painted the reality in a lot of homes today. There is a lack of marital intimacy.
Friend, marital intimacy is important for marital success (Genesis 2:25). You have been called to live together and do life together. Any thought of marrying but not wanting your spouse’s presence is something that must not be allowed in your life. No matter how old or young a marriage is, if intimacy is absent in a home, there is nothing much left (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).
Intimacy is not a gift. It is something that is built over time (Proverbs 5:15-18). While a wedding gives you a relationship with your spouse, what you do with that relationship after the wedding will determine if you have a marriage or not. Couples that stay together and bond together are intentional about it (Genesis 2:24).
God created marriage for companionship (Malachi 2:14). It is expected that out of the companionship will come, other blessings; fulfilment of purpose, procreation, sexual intimacy, etc. Some people only want the by-products of companionship, not the companionship itself. Some want a woman who can help fulfil their divine purpose. But they don’t want the woman herself (Proverbs 31:11).
Sex is not intimacy even though intimacy can involve sex (Proverbs 5:18-23). If all you do with your spouse is to have sex without getting really intimate in heart and mind, you are not different from someone who’s patronising brothels. A lot of husbands are just rapist to their wives. They want her body but not her heart. For a woman, giving her body becomes easy once her heart is involved (Malachi 2:13-16).
Oneness in marriage is both spiritual and practical. It is determined by how well you relate together (Proverbs 18:22, 24). Don’t get tired of your spouse. Endure and enjoy his or her company. Don’t let anything come in between; job, business, friends, children, etc. You started alone as a couple. You would live alone later in life (Isaiah 51:1-2). God created marriage for companionship, not just for sharing bills.
‘Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria