I saw a clip the other day about two couples living in the same compound. One of the couples would show open affections, loving up on each other, to the admiration of the other couple. Meanwhile, the other couple seemed not to have all the vibes being flaunted by their neighbours. The wife would tell her husband; “Can’t we be like the other couple? Can’t we have everything going perfect for us like them?”

Unknown to them, this “perfect” couple had an internal crisis going on in their marriage. Just a few days later, they were divorced. Their marriage was not as strong as they projected it. That was when the other wife appreciated their own marriage as they worked to make it better.

Friend, how strong is your marriage? Listen, when it comes to marriage, prioritise strength over vibes (Proverbs 24:10). Pay attention to the real deal in marriage, not just the cosmetics. Open affection is good. Loving up on each other in public is good. But let it not be all there is to your marriage. Ensure that it is working in private (Matthew 6:1-6).

Marriage can be likened to a piece of cake. We have the real cake and the icing. Most times, the icing and decoration are what attract people, but what we are looking for is the real cake. Of what use is an attractive icing or decoration on a bad cake (Hosea 7:8-9)? Come to think of it, it is children that love to eat icing on cakes. I have had to caution my children on it. Adults go for the real cake.

Knowing what to look for in a marriage is one proof of your growth and maturity. Don’t be a husband or wife who is still a child. We know such people by the way they talk, understand, and think (1 Corinthians 13:11). We know them by what they prioritise. We know them by the things they spend their time and energy on. We know them by the outcome of their lives and marriages.

How strong is your marriage? How deep are your love and marital practices (Luke 6:46-49)? Are they mere cosmetics? Is your marriage only beautiful on the surface but empty on the inside (2 Timothy 3:5)? Are you only concerned about the style without paying attention to the substance? Singles, what do you look for in a marriage? What catches your attention in a couple? While it is good to be attracted by the externals, check the details. Know what really makes marriage work and strong. Emulate correctly. Married folks, learn to model correctly (Isaiah 51:1-2, 1 Peter 3:1-7).

Let your marriage be so deep and strong that it can navigate different seasons without cracking or bulging (Matthew 7:24-27). Let your marriage be unshakable. Build your marriage on the rock. Build it on God’s word, not societal values or expectations. Build it on purpose, not frivolities. Build it deliberately and consistently. Practise kingdom principles. Go the extramile. Don’t compare your marriage with another (2 Corinthians 10:12). Remember, if it is not working, it is not working. You cannot fake it forever. How strong is your marriage?

‘Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria