I was counselling a young man years ago. He was newly married. There was an issue between him and his wife that needed to be resolved. In trying to resolve it, he told me; “I’ve told her she can go wherever she wants to, I don’t care.” Apparently, he prioritised some other relationships above that of his wife. My counsel to him was simple; “Fight for your marriage. Learn to choose your wife, anytime, any day.”
Friend, you need to fight for your marriage (Nehemiah 4:14). When it comes to the marriage covenant, your wife is not just an option. She is not to be compared with anyone or anything. This is why the marital vow demands that you forsake all others. The Bible actually teaches that we need to leave before we can cleave (Mark 10:7). You need to leave any relationship contending with the health of your marital relationship.
Choose your wife ahead of others. Choose your marriage ahead of others (Genesis 21:9-12). Don’t be married to two or more people at the same time. Some people are married to their wife but also married to their mother. Some have their job as their second wife. Some pastors love their ministry more than their wives. They don’t even mind driving their wife too hard in a bid to grow their church or ministry.
The marriage institution existed before every other institution (Genesis 2:24). It predated the church institution. It is unwise to lose your home because you want to save the world. It is better to win with your family than to win with the church at the detriment of your family. Why would you love your job or employer above your spouse or children?
You need to realize that the only person who would stay with you through thick and thin is your God-given spouse. It is better to divorce all others and stay married than to cleave to others and suffer marital divorce. You should not prioritise any other person above your wife (Malachi 2:13-15). Your wife may not have been with you from the past, but she is journeying with you into the future. Some relationships come and go, but not marital relationships.
There are about five kinds of women in the life of every man; your mother, sister, wife, daughter, and other women. You must learn to relate with each of them properly while prioritising your wife (Proverbs 5:15-20). You need to run away from the strange woman. Any woman (or man) getting your attention more than your spouse is dangerous to the health of your marriage. Learn to fight for your marriage. It is a good fight. Is it clear enough?
‘Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria