One of the most powerful statements I have heard from my wife in our marriage is this; “I have always wanted to marry a strong man, someone I can listen to, someone who can tell me to ‘sit here’ and I would listen. And I see that in you.” See, my wife wanted, not just a husband, she wanted a leader.

A real woman wants to be led and a real man wants to listen. Dear single lady, don’t marry a guy that is weak thinking you can exploit his weakness to your advantage; it would be to your disaster in the marriage. And dear single guy, don’t enter marriage looking for who to boss, prepare to lead! It takes a stronger man to marry a strong woman. While the Bible commands the woman to submit, the man can either make submission a bondage or a pleasure; something she has to do or something she wants to do.

A real man makes it easier for the woman to submit. He develops strength and capacity to lead. This is why one of the most important things a guy can do, while preparing for marriage, is to work on his strength. The larger percentage of marriage life rests on leadership, not only fun and romance. I believe a sane woman would submit to a man who lovingly leads, so the problem is not entirely submission but love and leadership.

The love and leadership atmosphere you provide in your home will determine what you see in your wife, a virtuous woman or a wicked woman. Ahab is a classic example of a weak man married to a wicked woman (1 Kings 21:1-16). Leadership is what determines and directs tendencies. This was why when the first marriage was in crisis, God simply asked Adam, “where are you” (Genesis 3:9)? This is what God is asking every man today, “where are you?”

Where are you when your then beauty and godly queen has now turned to a Jezebel? Where are you when your God-given children has now become sons of Belial? Where are you when your wife now romances the devil to the detriment of your home and family? Where are you when the peace and love you once enjoyed at the early stage of your marriage have now turned into confusion and all manner of satanic manifestations? Where are you when the enemy has now taken out the fire of prayers in your home? Where are you when the enemy has replaced divine vision in your home with worldly competition? Where are you?

Marriage becomes beautiful when both parties rise up to their roles and responsibilities. This is why every young man should not wait to be married to develop capacity for love and leadership. An unmarried young lady should also learn humility and submission. Wedding day is not magic day; who you are before marriage has already formed the foundation of who you would likely be after wedding. Let your expectations be right and your preparations be well guided. For the married, don’t give up on your home, continue to make the right adjustments and alignments until your home reflects God’s original counsel and design. You will succeed!

© ‘Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria