A quarel broke out between a couple the other day. As they argued and exchanged words, the husband burst out; “Look at you. If not that I pitied you, I’d have left you where I met you. You should be grateful I married you.” In that instance, tears welled up in the eyes of the wife. She could not utter a word any further. She left downcast. I learnt a vital lesson from the incident; never marry out of pity.
Friend, don’t marry out of pity. Marry because of purpose (Genesis 2:18). Don’t marry someone who makes you feel he is pitying you for marrying you. Don’t also marry someone because you pity him of her (1 Samuel 25:23-31). The fact that you get pregnant for someone does not always mean you should get married. Marriage is too costly a price to pay to help someone out of their problems.
One of the reasons single ladies are advised not to always receive gifts from men is the subtle sense of obligation to such men (Proverbs 15:27, 17:23). Not too many people can control their emotions and decisions around their benefactors. If you have to marry someone to compensate for what they have done for you, you might be trapped without knowing (Genesis 14:22-23, Proverbs 19:6).
For older single ladies, be conscious of God’s love for you. Age does not change God’s plan for your life (Jeremiah 29:11). Age does not make God think less of you. Don’t let someone marry you out of pity. Such a person is not likely to treat you well in the marriage. Let the person see your worth and consider it a privilege to marry you (Ruth 4:13-17). You are a treasure.
A healthy marriage is one in which the spouses think themselves favoured and blessed to marry each other (Proverbs 18:22). It must not be one-sided. This is why marrying someone below or above your supposed status has to be with a lot of prayers, counsels, and thoughtful decisions. If you are not ready to see the person as equal, don’t marry him or her (1 Peter 3:7).
Marriage is an equalizer. A marriage is working when both parties grow to meet each other (Malachi 2:13-16). The person who is up attempts to come down to the level of the person who is down and patiently brings him or her up, while the person down works on him or herself to grow up (Matthew 19:1-8). This is purpose, not pity.
‘Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria