Years ago, a man of God told us about his choice of a life partner. According to him, the lady that God initially led him to did not look like it. He had seen himself travelling all over the world preaching the gospel. But this lady did not seem to match that vision. Years later, he ran into the same lady (now married) on an international flight, on her way to a ministry engagement. He almost regretted his decision.
Friend, don’t conclude yet. My spiritual father would always teach us to give people a chance to change. Of course, some will change for the worse. But a lot would change for the better (Job 8:7). Truly, the test of time is the ultimate test. This is why when God chooses for you, He chooses based on what people will become, not based on what they are now.
God chooses for the future. We choose based on the past and present. Singles, let God choose for you (Genesis 13:10-13, Proverbs 14:12). For those who are married, this is not the best version of your spouse, so don’t conclude yet. Don’t think you have married wrong. Let your wife evolve. Let your husband become. Give them time.
In choosing a life partner, there are primary and secondary considerations. We choose based on the primary, not the secondary. The primary considerations are non-negotiable, while the secondary considerations can be worked on with time (1 Corinthians 3:11). You need to consider if your potential spouse is born again, spirit-filled, spirit-led, committed to a local church and pastor, loves God, and also exhibits the character of a Christian.
A lot of times, the spouse you would marry will not possess the total package. A lot of things would be added later (Matthew 6:33). It is this idea of looking for a total package that has made people marry devils. Sometimes, marrying a ready-made wife or husband is marrying a ready-made problem. Most of what you claim to be looking for in a potential spouse are the things you also need to work on in your own life (Matthew 7:3-5).
We cannot tell whose marriage is successful until the future comes (Habakkuk 2:3). What is important is that you are building your life and marriage for the future. You are investing in each other for a harvest you would both enjoy in the future. Stop thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. Take time to water your own grass (SoS 1:6). Work on your own marriage. Be so focused on God and on each other that nothing can distract you. May you fulfil marital destiny! Amen!
‘Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria