When the lady finally broke up the relationship, I was not surprised at all. I saw it coming. The overzealous brother had made the relationship choky for her; he’s always monitoring her movement and controlling her relationship with other people. The lady kept reporting him to me. I told the brother, “Give her some freedom. You are not married until you are married.”

Friend, you must learn how to manage your relationship in a way that it does not truncate God’s plan for your marriage. Sadly, a lot of young people are only excited about relationships and marriage. Only a few understand courtship. There is time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Courtship is different from marriage. You cannot be courting and be living like you are married (1 Chronicles 12:32).

I recently counselled a young guy and lady who just got into a courtship relationship to understand the dynamics of courtship. I told them, “Now that you are courting, hoping to get married soon, enough of long late night calls. Enough of always having to see each other every day, and talking in secluded places, etc.” I could see the surprise look on their faces.

I went further to tell them, “When you were still friends with no strings attached, those things may look okay. But now that emotions are involved, now that you are in love, those things would constitute traps for your relationship health.” You have not seen who would make you fall into sexual sin until you get engaged (Proverbs 6:27). Emotions are powerful. A lot of people are sexually pure until courtship.

Another young man told me in counselling, “Sir, she expects me to call her every hour, asking how she’s faring and all that. I don’t seem to be able to do that. I would call her when I’m freer in the evening.” I gently told the lady, “You are just being over demanding. Get busy with life. Don’t make it a compulsion to always call you several times daily. It’s just not realistic. You are not married until you are married.”

These days, I feel like asking young people, “Where is the holiness gap?” That you are courting someone does not mean you should be loose towards the person. Courtship does not take away Christianity; Christianity should reflect in courtship. That you have agreed to marry does not make kissing, sexting, or cuddling sinless (1 Thessalonians 4:3-7). You are not married until you are married. Is this helpful?

‘Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria