One of the most profound statements I received from my spiritual father as far as marriage is concerned is this; “Never judge a man successful until you see what he has been able to make out of his wife.” This statement brought me to a consciousness of my role as a man as far as building a great family is concerned.

Friend, how do you measure manliness? Is it how full the beards are? Is it the ability to impregnate a woman? Oh, you might think of age as a yardstick. Others look at the ability to order or control a woman. But how does God see a man? How does God rate you as far discharging your responsibility as a male is concerned?

I think we are too much in a hurry to explain who a husband is. The fact that someone has a wife does not make him a husband just as getting married as a lady does not make you a wife (1 Timothy 3:2). While some people are true husbands, others can best be described as horsemen maltreatng their wives. Are you a husband or a horseman?

A husband leads his wife to her peak potential while a horseman drives his wife against her will (1 Corinthians 9:5). A husband is a cultivator (as in, husbandry). A horseman is a user. There are graces in a woman that need to be cultivated. The man determines and directs the tendencies and possibilities in a woman and in the home at large.

The way your wife and family turn out is largely your responsibility (Genesis 18:19). If you ‘suddenly’ wake up to call your then angel (wife), a witch, then you must be a magician. You made her a witch! God gives you a woman as a raw material. You determine what she becomes. If you are not ready to train and mentor, don’t ask for a wife.

As a woman, one of the best things you can do for your man and marriage is to help your man to be the man and play the man (Genesis 18:23). Don’t exploit the weakness of your man to your (dis)advantage; it is called manipulation or witchcraft. Rather, help him to grow. Pray for him, encourage him, challenge him, expose him. Make the right demands. Push him to release his leadership capacity. Your home would be better for it.

‘Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria