“What if God is leading me to someone I’m not physically attracted to? Should I go ahead, or does that mean He’s not leading me? Is attraction even important in choosing a spouse?”
This question comes up often in my sessions with singles. The thoughts below are my response, and I believe married couples will find wisdom here, too.
Friend, attraction matters in marriage. God never forces a spouse on anyone. He desires your obedience and your joy (1 John 5:3). Love and liking are not the same. We are commanded to love, but liking is a choice. Love is supplied by the Holy Spirit, while liking flows from your will (Romans 5:5, Galatians 5:22).
Marriage is both spiritual and practical (Genesis 24:63-67). Beyond prayer and devotion, you will live with snoring, body odour, poor hygiene, and daily habits. These “small” things create real pressure in homes when attraction is absent. Don’t ignore the practical side (Genesis 29:17-18).
If God leads you to someone you’re not attracted to, don’t rush (Romans 8:14). Take time to build liking. Develop friendship. Ask God questions. Develop solid conviction. Don’t be forced by God or anyone (Isaiah 28:16). Liking can grow.
Don’t build marriage on attraction alone, but don’t ignore it either. Magnify what God shows you in that person (Genesis 29:17). The brother may be short, but his wisdom is deep. The sister may not fit a certain body type, but her character and hospitality shine. Focus on what you can celebrate.
Don’t pressure your spouse to change what cannot change (1 Peter 3:7). Instead, value what they already have while improving what can be improved. Husbands, cover your wives with kind words. Your words can nurture her beauty (Ephesians 5:26). Inner beauty is weightier, but don’t neglect the outward.
‘Demola Awoyele
Lead Pastor,
Destiny Impact Church
Akure, Nigeria